inaapuhap

i think i made up my mind. im shifting to medical physics this coming june.

i dont think i wasted one semester in ateneo. it's just that i woke up one day and realized i don't want to become an engineer anymore. first is that i got discouraged with the little knowledge that i have compared to my batchmates. im an easy learner but there are a numebr of things that are already assumed during the class. i cant compare myself because batchmates are either ece undergraduates or physics or chem but took up computer engineering as their second course. i took up materials science, remember? they're engineers, im a scientist (kunyari. wohoho!)

second, i got discouraged with the teaching method. not that their course program is not effective but i don't think it suits my learning method. to each is own, i know. aanga anga lang tlga ako sa laboratory eh. you really have to state it to me explicitly before i could discover something.

or maybe i just got out of focus because i had to juggle school with church and 3 jobs. i know im not as determined and diligent as i was in college.

third, the global financial crisis always hits the semiconductor industry first. it's because gadgets are a want, not a need. si they are the first ones who suffer from belt-tightening oof customers. personally, i learned to live with a basic SE phone because i could call and text anyway. no need for an upgraded phone. and for photos, i bought a 7.2 mp digicam since i dont need higher resolution pictures.

fourth, because of the reason stated above, it's not practical to go into the field, much more become an engineer. plus, an 8 to 5 job wont work for me. i'll get bored. that's why i decided to teach -- there's always something new everyday. i'm always looking forward to anwering their critical questions; it feels good when you are able to fix a loophole.

fifth, the craving for being unique is still with me. from clothes, to interests, i dont want to be just like any other girl. this is exactly the same reason why i went to physics: a very few people go into this field. we know that there are thousands of engineers already; their number is ballooning every year. although i dont have statistics yet on how many medical physcists are there, i guess many of you haven't heard of that yet ;)

so maybe hello UST starting june ;) funny thing is, one of my friends from FEU is also transferring to UST grad school. yehey!

My high school friend Rachelle tagged me on facebook. But since i don't know how to post there, i'll do it here. Amazingly, the results interest me. Try it! Search "[your name] needs" and here are 10 interesting lines that i got:

* Chai needs cheer - Yes, i need that now. Something made me really really sad this morning.
* Herbal teas don’t work as chai needs milk - I need milk for my bones. I just went to the doctor and he confirmed, 20 degree scoliosis ( considered mild). 50% of women are found to have this condition. I'm one of them.
* Chai needs upgrading - Exactly! I love learning (but i hate pressure that school brings)
* Chai needs to be strained - Sometimes pressure is healthy. Sometimes.
* Chai needs no intro either, [s]he is extremely brave and intelligent - Whoah! Ganon? I don't think so. I learn easily. That's it. I don't consider myself intelligent. Brave, maybe
* Chai needs to be brewed carefully and properly in order to truly appreciate the taste - Slowly but surely dear ;)
* Chai needs love - No need for an explanation hehe!
* Chai needs constant attention - Very true. That's the only thing im asking for. I'm so low-maintenance. I don't appreciate expensive gifts that much. I just need TIME and attention.
* Chai needs to be sweetened to bring out the full flavor…chai needs one in order to bring out the robust flavors of the spices - I need someone to bring out the best in me; his sweetness brings out my full flavor :)
* Chai needs to attend a party and mingle with the guests - Maybe. Social life. I have one but i'm too goody-goody for clubbing haha!
* Chai needs to be thought through carefully - Yes, YOU should do that ;) im more than what meets the eye

Tuesday morning, we headed to rob galle. Few mins of strolling around the mall, a few words to catch up with each other's lives then we parted. He went to poea, i left for lucena.

I rode a bus going Alabang since it's nearly impossible to catch a provincial bus along Edsa. That was 10:30 am. Amazingly, there was traffic. Okay, Manila = traffic but Edsa is a highway; let alone the time of the day i was on that road. Oh anyway, i spent the next hour and a half thinking about traffic, my MS, my work and Galle. Galle reminds me of our courting days. It's been 9 months na pala! "Time flies when you're with someone you love" sabi niya noon.

Day dreaming stopped at 12nn when i finally reached Alabang. An accident in Magallanes caused the traffic pala. Lunch time, i grabbed Jollibee and ate at the bus. I do that always to save time. My cadets can't even imagine how i can eat comfortably while the bus is travelling at 60-70 kph. Sanayan lang. But this time, Jac Liner was as slow as a turtle. An old woman with her grandchild was beside me. The two year old baby cried from time to time because the journey was too long for him to endure.

2:30 we reached Candelaria. That's the next town after Tiaong/Villa Escudero. From that point, ETA to lucena is one hour. Unfortunately, there was a procession for the dead. Grrr! Two towns after Candelaria, Sariaya, the bus' engine stopped for a few minutes. Goddam. That Tuesday was not my day.

3:30 i reached Grand Terminal. This is where the road splits into two: left road leads to Bicol while right road leads to Lucena. The bus had to stop for a check and drivers changed. To my horror, i heard that the slow driver was actually a first-timer! Breathe. Relax. Nothing happened to me, thank God! No accidents, no injured people, no dead bodies.

4:00 i arrived at Enverga University. Darn. I realized how exhausting it is to travel far for work. Yes, i could eat, sleep, read while travelling but sitting for long hours is something that my back cannot tolerate. Man, this is what i call "dedication." Haha! That's the trade-off for having 2 days/week work.

---------------------------------------------------------------

So to make up for the lost hours in class, the following day, i had to teach extra. 6:30-8:30. I pulled out the boys from Ginoong Marino pageant (I'm teaching scholars who are soon-to-be sea farers). I was so sorry for the scholar-candidates: Mr. Palapuz, Mr. Lasheras, Mr. Sumilang. I know our presence would really help you get over your stage fright but i have to stand by what i believe is a priority. I grew up thinking i'd rather have brains without a face than have a face without a brain. Fair daw si Lord eh. Pag meron ka nung isa, wala ka nung isa. Kasi pag nasa iyo pareho, swapang na raw yun ;) But of course, having both is a jackpot.

As usual, the boys would ask the miss-universe type question: "Ma'am, ano pong pipiliin nyo? Face o brain?" Another hirit was :"Ayos lang na hindi kami gwapo kasi cute kami. pampalubag-loob sa mga hindi gwapo"

These are the moments i wont forget even if i leave lucena. It's much easier to get along with boys than girls; it's much easier to teach an all-boys class than an all-girls class. Then it's sinking in. I'm leaving in less than a month. There are many reasons for this: tutoring/master's/choir/time issues/career move. Although i know i should go for it, 25% of me says don't. Or maybe it's just because of uncertainty. Thoughts about that next time. Sleeping time now.

my cousin just passed the recent board exams. i thought she can't make it. well at least! dont think im not happy for her. i am. but im worried she cant find a hospital. no hospital = no experience = no more abroad. kaya sabi ko sa mom ko, makakapag abroad din ako kung gusto ko kahit hindi ako nurse...

the event made my christmas really memorable. because im a frustrated choral conductor/musician hehe! here are the videos of our actual performance. HEARTFELT, super! congrats again to our team!

http://strawberrydardar.multiply.com/video/item/2/Kung_Mawawala_Ka_-_StatSoc_Awitan_2008
http://strawberrydardar.multiply.com/video/item/3/Jingle_Bells_-_StatSoc_Awitan_2008

closest friends agree that i was born to think about digits. people find it weird when i say that when i rinse my arms in the bathroom, i don't feel clean unless i do it for 8 seconds; 16 seconds for thighs; 12 seconds for the face. these are the unintentional yet insignificant countings that i do in my life.

but 0.3 matters when it spells out the difference between winning 4th and 3rd place. it must have been the choreo, which all the other participants skipped, that made us lose by that small margin. perhaps it is too much adherence on the rules, while those who brake it get the prize.

then i remembered a questionnaire which asked me about my opinion on rules: (1) to make it fair (2) to make life boring (3) and (4) i forgot. i answered the first. but now, im asking myself again. Do rules really make life fair for everyone?


all i could ever thought of was the rule. choreo is a big chunk of the criteria, i said to myself, how could the judges just discard that?

not until the appreciation cards came in, just right in time when im feeling low. then this message struck me (paraphrased):

even if the whole world thinks it's not enough, as long as it feels good, it's success.

to the UP stat soc awitan team, thank you so much for trusting me. it's been a pleasure to work/play with you. you never knew how much happiness the practices and the actual performance itself brought to me. they might think we "lost" but the songs will always be in our hearts. LSS pa nga rin ako sa "kung mawawala ka"

and that single smile of mom. i could still imagine her face after our performance. it keeps on flashing in my memory. she's not appreciative; she never told me im good or im intelligent. but that night, right after we went down from the stage, she showed her approval. and on our way home, she has never stopped talking about how great our presentation was. that felt sooo good. and right, it matters because it's success.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what i learned/re-learned during awitan 2008

(1) other people would even notice how bouncy my hair was when i conducted
(2) i dont get mad easily when i teach (patience is really a virtue)
(3) i make learning enjoyable (just like how my mom taught me lessons in school); i teach positively through encouragement

  5th time this year. message me your numbers (i need office outlook na ata.

low end phone + digicam
or just a middle-end phone?

my friends know that i always have singaw. at hindi lang basta singaw kundi MGA GIGANTIC SINGAW na nagvovolt-into a bigger one. EENT doctor said it's only caused by 2 factors: (1) food that we eat (but he said that me being a vegetable-lover eliminates this factor) and (2) stress.

i thought my singaw days are gone when i started working this April. but since i'm back to school for my master's, hello cranker sores again!

then i remembered my blog post two years ago: stressed is dessert spelled backwards.

so what do i do when i'm stressed? no, i don't overeat. i forget meal times and sleeping times. but there are instances when my tastebuds crave for sweets. unsatisfied cravings lead to diziness (uh oh!). lately, i had these: red ribbon's s'mores, goldilock's sylvannas/sansrival/chocolate cake, mcdo caramel sundae, jollibee black forest sundae, peanut tart from sariaya, quezon; goya cookies and cream bar (cheap thrill!), TWIX caramel bar (breakfast today). Missing coffee bean's triple decker cheesecake and big scoop's mount everest. Looking forward to max brenner, five cows, cheesecake etc, beard papa's, cafe breton, cold rock, gelatone (suggestions of an expert/friend)

What else should i add to my list?

Physics class (My First week of class, Nov 2008)
teacher: the electrical force is inversely proportional to distance squared (Math people! F = (kQ1Q2)/r^2). meaning, the greater the distance between two charges, the bigger the effect on lowering the electrical force between them. That’s why it’s hard to maintain a long-distance relationship
student: ah, kaya pala hindi kinaya yung US-lucena relationship [ko]


Chem class (Last sem)
student: So ma’am, pano natin i-rerelate yang precipitation sa lablayp?
teacher: precipitation occurs because of the strong attraction between two atoms that form an insoluble material, called the precipitate. Like two people, who are strongly attracted with each other, are hardly separable. (Mga bugoy tlga...)

im pretty stressed these past few days because of sem break. people know how workaholic i am; how structure makes my life move much like a fuel makes vehicles move. without a plan, i'm practically useless. so to make the most out of my nonsense break, i look at the mirror from time to time and check my skin. here are the flaws i saw:

* blackheads and whiteheads on my nose (schedule a facial session immediately!)
* small spot, perhaps a fraction of a millimeter in diameter, on the upper left part of my forehead. got it last month
* a smaller spot on the lower right part of my cheek, near my mouth
* and the most obvious pimple on the lower left cheek, near my mouth too, as if to balance the one on the other side.

to my dismay and a little "knowledge" about chemicals, i put an exfoliating product (that contains tretinoin) to hasten the drying of the zit. i've been doing this since high school. however, the areas around the zit got in contact with the tretinoin and thereby irritating it. voila! three red spots on that area! solutions: when bare and make-up free, put a lightening cream on the spots (dont forget to moisturize always!) and when putting on make up, use concealer underneath foundation.

so i did the concealer thing last sunday because the church choir had a singing engagement. then i saw my cousin's ex-gf who used to be the most attractive woman in her batch. she's really mestiza (fair-skinned, pinkish glow), with long, straight, brown hair, neither chubby nor too slim (she was voloptuous and she went to the gym to avoid getting big), always dolled up, owns one of the newest mobile there was.. now, after having a 4-year old son, a business of her own, and living in rizal province, she lost all her glamour and beauty. she looks happy after all.

then i thought why should i bother too much about my face? after a few years, beauty will pass; physical appearances change. not that i see myself becoming losyang when im 10 years older or more, but i should not worry too much about these little zits. of course, i've seen other hot mommies out there who still exude beauty in their 40s and 50s. i want to be like them and i want to make plans about it as early as now. change my lifestyle, continue being healthy because whatever beauty is inside will be seen on the outside. change my outlook in life, be more optimistic (this is a big challenge!) because whatever's inside will radiate to other people. and that will make them more attracted to you. more friends in the coming months!

1. i have lots of friends, each from different groups. Although most of them know each other, it's better to celebrate their individuality by not mixing them up.

October schedule closed with taco bell/gloria jeans with AAV friends (people i worked with in Ateneo). Friends, where the hell are our pictures? Sorry for going home at 3am while you were away :(

November 3, Monday, dessert time at sucree (rob place manila) with grade school classmate. Talked about our celebrated lives, student life and business. Whoah! We changed a lot. I realized we're now agonized with more "serious" matters. Topics like who's the coolest student in class or who's getting the highest grades are already thing of the pastt. You know who you are, and how much i love you as a friend *i hope this hug reaches you*

2. Talking to that grade school friend made me realize how much influence i had on people (my classmates then, in particular) and how much grade school life influenced me. It saddened me though that when i transferred school, people were looking up for another "me." Going back to #1, people are different; no comparisons. But geez, i WAS a "celebrity" back then!

3. My life should always be in a certain order. Blame this whole physics/math thing that made me (too) logical/robotic/dehumanized.

I don't start reading a book if i haven't finished one. I'm reading "I kissed dating goodbye" although the bandwagon has passed already. Learning new views, thinking and deciding for myself what to adapt. Diane, best friend/almost neighbor, recommended other books to read but i just can't, until i finish this one. I can't even start reading academic books for my teaching assignment next sem!

I don't appreciate movies when i watch it alone. after 27 dresses, 50 first dates, another cinderella story, be kind rewind, high school musical 2 and sisterhood of travelling pants, movie watching isn't really exciting unless you're with someone. so i'm having a movie date with Diane on friday!

I get paralyzed when internet connection is down. (imagine talking like this to pldt dsl CSR) It's not the router, not the modem, but your freakin' bad service! no emails, no (insert sites important to you) and no ebay. So i resort to doing kikay and movie-watching.

I cannot function properly when i have no idea on what's going to happen. I keep on rescheduling activities that are very flexible (that is tutoring!) to open up my sched, hoping i'll be going out with someone. 90% of the time, expectations won't happen. Next scenario, I'm totally paralyzed this time; my world stops.

4. When i have time to think, i think of bad thoughts about myself. Hey, thanks for trying hard to make me feel good about myself. it somewhat works! I owe you big time. But when I try to make my brain cells work during their hibernation stage, pessimistic views towards myself osmotically enters. Hence, insecurities and self-pitying. Is there any cure for that?

anorexia + trying to busy myself = lose weight. nice plan huh? so un-"me." i'm looking at my planner, it's almost empty.i wish students will call me up for sessions just to distract myself. but they're having fun bumming around. i wish i could do that too meeting ness, pretty cousin i havent seen for almost 2 years, on mon. still looking at sir bau's sched so i can see him same day. pick up books at the office so i can do next sem's syllabi from home. get a massage before going home. physical pain might go away. kaya ko to, mag-isa. i've always been alone, right? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- major friendster clean up, i saw messages dated 2004. whoah, friendster's been running for 5 yrs now! major house repair. mom's been busy looking after the workers at home. yeah, she should watch, most especially over my guy cousin. some people know why i have been avoiding him. major closet clean up. separated clothes that i always wear, those that i seldom wear, work clothes (no uniform yet at least i should avoid that student look), church clothes (90% dresses) and clothes to be given away. the latter is to give space to new clothes and to let go of memories associated with them. so much drama in me :) closet clean up started with ironing clothes that i want to wear over sem break. but i realized i'll rarely go out anyway. i wish that mending what's been done is as easy as ironing clothes. or maybe it just depends on the people involved. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- and speaking of dresses, i just watched 27 dresses. alone. you know im not into movie watching unless, someone is with me. will write next time about the parts that i liked (or, made me recall something). let me hibernate for a while

i miss gege, and our ym conversations. i wish i were still in college. although i have to do lab reports every single day, when i get online, she was there. i hope she remembers her "promise" that we'll meet this sem break.

i miss DR, and her pangungulit sa text. i wish we could backtrack a few weeks ago, where she wakes me up in the middle of the night because of her reminders/how are you's and i miss you best friend. i hope she gets a new phone soon.
 
i miss sheena, and her lj comments. i wish i were still in freshman year, when she forces me to start blogging. i wish we were still in grade school, writing slum books (yes, uso yun noon!), working together for the school paper (sheena was EIC) and talking with our advisers about how to go about our articles. i wish she longs to see me too in as much as i wanted to see her a week ago.

i miss miss layla and our online updating. i wish i were still in Ateneo computer labs, waiting for my turn so i can get online. i wanted to see "clockworkorange" (or something like that). i wish we will meet someday. i wish she also wants to put a face on the faceless me.

i miss ayz and our telebabad days. thanks to Sun unlimited calls. i wish i were still the blogger that she knew. i wish she was still the friend, from far far away land of Baguio, who needs to go up a big water tank just to find the signal to call me. i wish we would talk more often in lucena, although i know her sched is far different from mine.

i wish i were a lot younger, when i had more time to think about other people. or maybe i should wish i could turn back time so i can change myself into a more selfish me. i keep on thinking about other people, what they're going to say, what should please them.

i simply wish they could read this and they could give me a hug soon

i know i'm hard headed. i don't want people to tell me what to do

i'm going back to my old blog (where freedom and PRIVACY is). real friends know where it is

i thought i can keep him away from this space by not adding him up here.

again. i need your numbers. again. grrr!

09.15.08 Monday Baby #1: scholars

Gave away the chem lab results of the kids. Highest pointers were not the "intelligent" students. Sipag at tiyaga are really virtues. Some of them came to my dorm around 8pm the day before the exam. almost everything that they asked me to solve are actually exam questions!

Despite taking the exam for four hours, 8pm-12midnight, raw scores were about 10 points lower than their previous long test. Maybe because the coverage was double than the first long test and there was a long break; they forgot the lessons already. on the other hand, they should have studied longer.

my second hired student assistant checked the exams wrongly. disaster! i wanted to help the kid so she has allowance for school but if she does palpak work, it's more difficult to recheck exams than to check them myself.

09.16.08 Tuesday Baby #2: Angelique

instead of grocery, did the laundry instead. the new cadet, bryan, thought i don't know how to do household chores. arnel thinks otherwise: chai the cowgirl.

11pm, started working out on Angelique's (most recent tutee, UP Stat student) calculus problem. Seemed to be difficult at first but a little thought organization leads to the answer. Yahoo! it's been a long time since i had that happy feeling because i solved problems haha! Sssshhh! Don't tell anyone that you have a nerd friend

09.17.08 Wednesday Baby #3 My twix, by baby ruth ;)

watched Enverga University's cheering competition. IMS, Institute of Maritime Studies (college where I'm teaching), had an all-boys pep squad. Imagine them in pleated miniskirts, tight-fit girl jerseys and teletubby-type headbands! my students were soooo gay! funny thing is, there are gossips that many teachers are ... haha! won't mention names here

11am, we were set to leave lucena. Boy, you can see how sad the students were when Arnel left with me. The newest scholar actually cried! Went to SM first. Arnel withdrew money, i deposited my overload pay. Thank you Lord for overloads! Bought lunch for the two of us and caught a bus at the terminal after a few minutes. Ate lunch at the bus. Maalog! Natawa si arnel, sobrang cowboy ko raw. I don't even care if im riding an aircon or non-aircon bus. I want to reach lucena or manila as early as possible.

Went to office to see him at afternoon break. Then left to tutor my babies at SM North. Brought JB half a dozen muffins. Great post work-out treat. God, dami na nilang bagong flavors! Try chocobanana, coffee and oreo I realized i've been avoiding fast food too much because of "diet."

09.18.08 Thursday Baby #4 and #5 Nico and Alyssa; Baby #6 JM

Went home to leave my stuff. And to meet our baby hehe he's probably staying until november when his dad takes the board exam to get promoted as ship captain. (that's about $7,500 monthly salary). here's JM, my godchild who resembles me a bit:


Today, we ate taho, chocolate chiffon cake, chocolate, cinnamon roll and gelatin. He's so takaw, nahahawa ako! bad, bad, bad...

Now looking at internet resources for Nico and Alyssa (SM north tutees). Meet them at 5:30

aug 15 - friday - week before birthday

i asked for three gonuts flavors. he thought ill be giving them to sheena. (alibis) before his 11am meeting, i met him at the office to give the sweets. boy, you should see how speechless he was!

aug 21 - thurs - pre-birthday

surprise dinner made with the help of DR's mom (we call her mumsie). nag black-out habang nagluluto kami! grrr! so our cooking session was halted. the birthday boy was already calling to pick me up but the cake's still in the oven; carbonara is half done. We had less than an hour to finish everything because of his scheduled board meeting. so dinner was postponed until 9:30pm. Nagutuman ata ako!

aug 22 - friday - actual birthday

PLAN: buy triple decker cheesecake to go with his birthday card. surprises must reach his desk before he arrives at the office from playing golf with our bosses.

arlene and rc bought him a present too (perishable)!

... but boss wanted to extend the game until late afternoon. then birthday boy scheduled dinner with his family. so no show-up on his birthday! busted! so i left the art stuff with friends' present (huge cake!) at the fridge.

aug 23 - sat - post-birthday

morning, usual work out session. boy, legs and abs hurt til now!

afternoon, we parted. i went to choir practice; he got his present. upon seeing/reading the art stuff, he called up to say he was surprised. ito lang ata ang successful sa lahat ng naging plano, wala pa sa pinlanong araw natanggap

anyway, ito ang gawa ko. parang gawa ng bata haha! Ge, i owe you big time for this:



upper right picture, playing volleyball with sir ryan (should i call him sir?)

lower right picture, first ever namin. taken at anilao, batangas during company outing. i was with ex-bf ben** pa non so bawal ilabas ang picture na ito ever. haha!

CONCLUSION: stressful ang mga birthdays ng minamahal. or, dahil ngayon lang ako na-stress. previous relationships, wala naman akong gaanong pakialam.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

** sa mga huli na, my long time bf, ben/beep/bentot, broke up with me july 11 this year. 08.08.08, officially, new bf and i are together. yihee!

Start: Aug 14, '08
End: Aug 26, '08


1. aug 14, th - end of work at lucena

2. aug 15, fri - payday, dinner at amici t. morato with jb

3. aug 16, sat - morning: work out and movie watching with bf, choir practice at night

4. aug 17, sun - church day: morning service, choir practice, evening service, choir

5. aug 18, mon - special (national) holiday, choir

6. aug 19, tue - quezon day/no work, dinner/ice cream with dr, grace and jb (and baby cesca)

7. aug 20, wed - lucena day/no work, breakfast and lunch with gege, dinner with sheena, mike and jb

8. aug 21, thurs - cesca's (dr's daughter) 6th month celebration, cooked surprise dinner for jb and his yaya (happy birthday yaya! thanks mumsie -- dr's mom -- for helping me cook. yummy carbonara, banana/chocolate cake and patatim and veggies from cesca)

9. aug 22, fri - bf's birthday! go to office for paper work, maybe tutoring and choir later. all surprise plans got busted sadness!

10. aug 23, sat - choir DAPAT! 8 days to go before church anniversary! i'm not only singing this time, bida bida ako haha! singing, piano-playing and conducting ito. bf called up. he appreciated my efforts! (yikes, never ako nataranta sa mga special occasions ng partner ko ha )

11. aug 24, sun - church day!

12. aug 25, mon - special non-working holiday: choir

13. aug 26, tue - travel back to lucena (or shouldn't i?)

14. aug 27, wed - no sched yet

15. aug 28, thurs - go to wedding, bf's the best man haha!

16. aug 29, fri - no sched yet -

17. aug 30, sat - no sched yet. might come to parents-scholars' party in lucena. choir at night. one day before the big performance haha!
aug 31, sun - 9:00 church, 2:00pm call time for anniversary celebration

this is stressful...
please, no eyebags on the 31st...
squeeze into my sched? let me know!

Background: some of my students, again, are trying to cheat. in my class, it's legal to bring a formula sheet during exams (1) to avoid cheating and (2) because i believe that at work, one is allowed to open books and reference materials. there's no point in memorizing formulas. i cannot contain my anger, i made them stop taking the exams and i burst into tears. after some pep talk i left for manila at 5pm. 12mn, upon arriving, i went online and found this: (grammatical errors here are not a hindrance to communicate what he feels. i was still crying while reading)

( this made me cry )

1. left lucena last thurs at 230pm. was in magallanes at 1030pm. i wanted to walk, if it wasnt a highway...

2. after tutor, went to SM north (tutees' house is at the back of mcdo north ave). all three phones were taken by some expert. i need your numbers! mine is 0905.6.808080

3. tues morning (today!) i learned that one non-scholar, in the college where im teaching (maritime studies), died because of hazing. he was buried by the frat and was found only yest. tsk tsk